All the Things

 It's 10:30 in the morning on either MLK Jr Day or Inauguration Day.  Whichever you are celebrating.

It's 10:30 in the morning.  And already an Executive Order has come down, targeting someone I hold most dear.

It's 10:30 in the morning. And the anxiety-reducing deep breaths have already begun.

Let me start by saying that if you are someone who is tempted to tell me that it won't be that bad, or want to pass on your culpability in it all, you can fuck right off with that. Shit's about to get dark, and I am done playing.

Going forward, this is probably where you can find me:  

• BlueSky (I haven't posted much there yet, but that may change).  
• Possibly I may resurrect my old blog that I still pay for and just talk to myself.
• Facebook? No. Our family group chats live in Messenger, so probably not gone gone.  But mostly gone. On the one hand, it's become practically unusable as a platform for me for logistical reasons.  Layered on that, community standards and internal practices make it a no.
• Instagram and Threads?  Same.
• Twitter? Already deleted several weeks ago.
• Tiktok -- Who even knows what's happening with that?

• Reading a lot of Fantasy
• Let me just give a vote for Fantasy lit and entertainment as a way to cope with the next however many years we're in this. "But I don't like elves," you say.  Let me explain. I have read/watched Fantasy for most of my life, probably beginning with Star Wars. The first that I remember reading that REALLY turned me into the genre was the Dragonlance Chronicles when I was 13 (still a favorite)-- though I'm sure I read some childrens lit before then.  But here's WHY I think it's a perfect genre for the time.  There are a gazillion different themes you'll see repeated throughout, but there are two in particular that stand out to me this morning.
• Rebellion against an oligarchian or authoritarian government devoid of compassion for its people
• What happens when a religious system prioritizes its power over its faith
• I recommend it
• Resisting the temptation to revel in schaudenfreude
• Indulging in self care whatever that looks like
• Probably should just buy stock in Half Price Books and B&N
• Protecting my kids from the "-isms" of the ruling class.

so  Good luck. I'll meet those with the heart to do so on Endor.

Self-Love Chapter 1b

 

HIGHLIGHTED

Without a strong sense of love for yourself, you may experience:

• Anxiety
• Defensiveness
• Depression
• Insecurity
• Materialism
• Shame
• Unhealthy Coping

WITH a strong sense of love for yourself, you may benefit from gains in:

• Belonging
• Confidence
• Empowerment
• Happiness
• Love
• Motivation
• Relationship Quality
• Self-Care
• Physical Health

WHAT LOVE ISN'T

• ENTITLEMENT: Entitlement should not be confused with the idea of recognizing your worth. Consider it a basic human need. Compassion, care, and acceptance are as fundamental as water, food, and shelter.
• SELFISHNESS: Although self-love is a reflective process in which one turns energy inward, the benefits are not selfish. Self-Love requires the courage to distinguish your weaknesses, challenges, and obstacles.
• SINFUL: Self-Love is the journey to care for yourself in order to prompt a domino effect of care and compassion for those around you.
• EXCUSE: A critical component of self-love is recognizing your limits, needs, and worth, and asserting interpersonal and intrapersonal boundaries as needed to uphold them. The full process of self-love includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is also the decision to recognize your areas for growth, tailoring a potentially difficult yet necessary plan of attack, and bravely tackling it head-on.

Self Love: Chapter 1a

 

Highlighted

"self-love -- The active practice of accepting, caring for, and encouraging oneself."

"Self-love is an intentional practice to learn and cultivate... It is the opportunity to see yourself completely, to recognize and value your strengths and weaknesses... it is critical to acknowledge your imperfections in order to nurture personal growth."

"Self-love is not a summit to conquer...but a continuous practice of caring for yourself."

Thoughts -- What does self-love mean to you?

"Self" comes with so much cultural baggage -- attention to self even more. It is work for me to ignore the calls of selfishness and guilt to acknowledge that it isn't selfish, but necessary and healthful. In this moment, self-love means holding myself with kindness and gentleness. It means providing opportunities for insight and looking inward. It is both allowing acknowledgement and celebration of the places I shine - - and also holding space to notice the places I am dull and jagged, without judgment. It is finding outward outpourings of that love to those around me. It is finding peace with the storm inside.

Setting the Winter Up for Success

When one of my girls was in high school, we took this DBT class together in conjunction with her therapy. I don't know how much she got out of it, but I got a lot! One of the parts that I think about frequently was this section where we were talking about Distress Tolerance -- what to do when you're upset.  And there were these three pages with ideas on how to Distract yourself, how to Soothe yourself, and how to Improve the moment that you're in when you're feeling overwhelmed.

I return to these often.

In WW, we talk a lot about setting yourself up for success. The time to come up with a list of Things to Do Instead of Eating Ice Cream when You're Mad is not when you're mad. You aren't being kind to yourself by waiting until then.  The time to come up with that list is when you're not mad and you have a little bit of space between Current You and Not Sane You -- SO THAT it's already there and ready to pull from when you need it later.

It's full into Autumn here in the Northwest. And I don't know if it actually IS, but it feels like it's gotten gloomier faster this year. I'm kind of the Point Parent for getting us through the dark wintery depression season -- which, admittedly, is ABSOLUTELY like the blind leading the blind. But, I need to set myself up for success.

So, I'm working on a "What I Need to Fill My Cup" list.  It's a work in progress.

• Give yourself permission to leave the laundry undone, and spend that time immersed in a book. YES, work your way through your TBR shelf -- but this is the season to bring out your old favorites and spend time with old friends. Roland Deschain, Tasslehoff Burrfoot, Samwise Gamgee, Anne Shirley, James Herriott, Mr Tumnus. 
• Is it raining outside? No? Put on your sneakers, please.
• Go do the dishes. It takes 10 minutes and you feel better when the kitchen counter is clear.
• Write. Even if what comes out is dumb and no one cares but you.
• Make all the online shopping wish lists you please!
• Get a massage.
• Watch your favorite old movies. Kick anyone out who complains or makes fun.
• Get brave enough to make TikToks just to piss off your kids.
• Listen to the music you love.

Hi, remember me?

*tap tap* Is this thing on?  I thought I'd see if this place still works. I've been moving into my own office/reading/writing space, and I'd like to get back into writing again. Don't expect anything fancy... probably just some prompts out of my writing jar to start. But I feel good when I'm expressing myself more. I can't promise that you'll always like what I have to say! But it would feel good to have a space again.

I've really been enjoying driving around lately -- just normal driving around town and errands. My town looks so pretty right now with the orange and red leaves, and the pine needles that have changed colors ready to be purged.  We have a wind storm coming today, so they'll probably mostly be gone tomorrow. But it's sure pretty right now.

One of the things I really love about autumn is yes -- the change in colors -- but I think they serve as a reminder to me about the circle of the seasons, and how there is a purpose to each of them. This time of year is for harvesting, but also of preparing for the winter, which in turn prepares us for new growth. I need that reminder sometimes. Not just in what the earth needs each year, but it reminds me that the same is true for the seasons of my own life. That sometimes life is sunshine and beach parties and sometimes life is a little barren and sometimes life is preparing for both of them. And that, even when it feels barren and harsh, there is a reason and a purpose, and it truly is just a season.